Wednesday, March 10, 2010

may my heart always be open

may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old

may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it's sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young

and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there's never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile

the aim of waking is to dream

User R:

in time of daffodils(who know
the goal of living is to grow)
forgetting why,remember how

in time of lilacs who proclaim
the aim of waking is to dream,
remember so(forgetting seem)

in time of roses(who amaze
our now and here with paradise)
forgetting if,remember yes

in time of all sweet things beyond
whatever mind may comprehend,
remember seek(forgetting find)

and in a mystery to be
(when time from time shall set us free)
forgetting me,remember me

when it rains, it pours

i've always been told to stay away, but i've always been on the stubborn side of things.

i don't want to wait and wonder anymore what's going to happen or what could happen. i just want you to heal and i want you to be safe and warm all the time. i want you to know how wonderful you are, and the goodness that i see in you. there is so much more to you than what's going on in your life at the moment. this is not you. this is just what's happening.

go outside.lay in the sun and let it soak into your veins and warm your blood and mend your heart. because god only knows why, but you've stopped letting me.

Friday, August 28, 2009

"i died"

i have three (3) charcoal sketches due tomorrow. Started at 6 during class, I just finished. it's currently 2:18 AM. deathhhh
35 hours of work + 15 hours of cofc + intern on sundays= a complete haze.
there hasn't been alcohol in my system since sunday. what? missing so many people right now.

Anyway, a few things i am excited about:
1. the mountain goats, decemberists, and band of horses tickets purchased!
2. alex/alex/tillye move out!!!
3. The Brisbones + Co in Columbia Saturday! long overdue for a miniroadtrip with the boys. excited to see & hang out with columbia people especially deborahhh my loveee
4. Crowfield in columbia also on saturday @ the White Mule. I told tyler he was going to see Co even if i have to drag him off the stage by his beard. it's true
5. my vintage shop, ansonborough square, via etsy.
8. i'm excited for kris. =)
9. moving in with ms dolan in january! lease is signed! hellooo cannon st.

yesterday, tyler heard "leslie ann levine" by the decemeberists for the first time. He doesn't know who the mountain goats are. now i have to make him a mix cd. How do you expand the music of the lead singer of a band like Crowfield? ugh. any tips?

Friday, May 1, 2009

It was then the fox appeared.

"Good morning," said the fox.
"Good morning," said the little prince, "Come and play with me, I'm feeling so sad."
"I can't play with you," the fox said. "I'm not tamed."
"What does tamed mean?" asked the little prince.
"It's something that's been too often neglected. It means 'to create ties'..."
"To create ties?"
"That's right," the fox said. "For me you're only a little boy just like a thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me, either. For you I'm only a fox like a thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, we'll need eachother. You'll be the only boy in the world for me and I'll be the only fox in the world for you...
"Nothing's perfect," the fox sighed. "But if you tame me, my life will be filled with sunshine. I will know the sound of your footsteps that will be different from the rest. Yours will call me out of my burrow like music. And then, look! You see the wheat fields over there? I do not eat bread. For me wheat is useless. Wheat fields say nothing to me. Which is sad. But you have hair the color of gold. So it will be wonderful, once you've tamed me! The wheat, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I'll love the sound of the wind in the wheat..."
The fox fell silent and stared at the little price for a long time. "Please...tame me!" he said.
"I'd like to," the little prince replied, "but I haven't much time. I have friends to find and so many things to learn."
"The only things you learn are the things you tame," said the fox. "If you want a friend, tame me!"
"What do I have to do?" asked the little prince.
"You'll have to be very patient," the fox answered.

And that was how the little prince tamed the fox. And when the time to leave was near:
"Ah!" the fox said. "I shall weep."
"It's your own fault," the little prince said. "I never wanted to do you any harm, but you insisted that I tame you..."
"Yes, of course," the fox said.
"But you're going to weep!" said the little prince.
"Yes, of course," the fox said.
"Then you get nothing out of it?"
"I get something," the fox said, "because of the color of the wheat."
Then the fox added, "Go look at the roses again. You'll understand that yours is the only rose in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye, and I'll make you the gift of a secret."

The little prince went back to look at the roses again.
"You're not at all like my rose, you're nothing at all yet," he told them. "No one has tamed you and you haven't tamed anyone. You're lovely, but you're empty. My rose, on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she's the one I've watered, since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for who I killed the caterpillars, since she's the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's my rose."

And he went back to the fox.
"Good-bye," he said.
"Good-bye," said the fox.
"Here is my secret, it's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart, anything essential is invisible to the eyes. It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important. People have forgotten the truth, but you must'n forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You're responsible for your rose..."

Thursday, April 16, 2009

feed yourself with inspiration from your founding fathers

Today was the tea party at the Custom's House on Easy Bay Street with about 6,000 people.

This is NOT going to be a political rant because i am currently watching MSNBC, which i like to watch and count how many times the reporters divide the country into two by referring to the "right wing conservatives" as "they", when WE are actually ONE country, and as of now, i've lost count.

So, I'll let Thomas Jefferson do my talking for me:
"Democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give it to those who are not."

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take away everything you have."

"When the people fear the government, there is tyranny. When the government fears the people, there is liberty."

"Never spend your money, before you have earned it."

Homeland security makes me laugh, please read this for some halarity.
by the way, i believe in the constitution, so i guess i'm a threat to homeland security?

Monday, April 13, 2009

for he has risen

i started this blog NOT for my cynical rantings (which happens to inhibit most of it anyway), but to record my current life, so i can read them when i'm old. so bare with me, i'm going to re-capture the last few days:

Last Sunday was Brunch at AC's. I originally went to see my sister, but of course she was leaving as I was arriving. her friends were there though, celebrating adam's birthday. it was a nice mix of people i never see, and of people i see all the time.
Lots of van gogh shots were bought and recieved, and i really have no idea how I stayed out there for so long. I realized eventually that I had to get out of there around 8, so i went to see some friends at d'allessandro's for a change of scenery. eventually went home- but don't remember doing so...(which is neither cool or typical of me.)

I tried to justify myself at AC's all day sunday for the fact that spring break started monday and i didn't have to work either. I layed around all day and let the sun and fresh air soak up my grossness from the day before.

at some last week, ent to Juanita's with amanda & erin, april & eliza came and we drank probably 5 pitchers before leaving and stumbling to ac's. ended up hanging out with tyler, javier, and lucas too which was nice. oh and i fell in love that night...not really

thursday i attempted to meet jesse at ac's so we could "talk", but i got off work so late and ac's was packed so talking about anything remotely important just wasn't going to happen. so instead, we drank, and talked about twilight/edward cullen/the decemberists/nothing important. saw and hung out with some friends for a while but became over the whole thing quickly, and left.

didn't do much except work until this weekend, when I went with Co + Jenna + Maggie to the Blue Roots Music Festival in this little town called Fountain Inn, SC outside of Greenville. I drove up with maggie, & am so glad i did. The weather was awesome, but i was totally unprepared/stupid and wore a dress with no tights.
Highlights of the trip:
drinking whiskey in the walmart parking lot while waiting for kelly
me & matt's 2 dollar mini bottles
seeing brian walk around in a snuggie, even if only for a few minutes (seriously, this made the whole trip worth it)
this aboslutely ridiculously scary man-made "out-house" with jenna
Co. & how amazing they were with the sound reflecting through the trees & the between the hills
maggie and i's cracker and nutella snacks
no humidity!!!!!!!!!!

brian and i woke up at 5:45 and never went back to sleep, & decided to drive back at 7, we had to make a side trip to spartanburg and drop off a friend of kelly & brian's.
I don't know if it was the sleeping in the car, or the combination of whiskey, wine, and beer, or living off of luna bars, fruit leather, and crackers for 48 hours but i felt absolutely terrible the next morning. never have i ever had such a bad hangover. the drive back was rough at first, but i got some coffee and ate a really big apple & some gingerale and i was set. but i would not have made it if maggie hadn't of been there. girl was a lifesaver.
On easter, i came home at 11 or so, put on my swimsuit, passed out in the sun until 5. woke up, showered, attempted to eat easter dinner but didn't succeed, and fell back asleep at 7ish. i think i was awake for a total of 3 hours while iwas home, but i was exhausted from a lot of fun.

Today was not exciting, tomorrow will be sad. i am tired, more for that then.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Mais les yeux sont aveugles. Il faut chercher avec le cœur.

je lis "le petit prince". pour l'instant, c'est mon livre préféré.

i'm currently on spring break, but i don't feel like it. i've been working a lot in order to pay off that prom dress, but for the next three days i'm taking a much needed "mental health" break.

the last few nights were fun. been pretty good at staying away from AC's which i've been trying to do. I've been hanging out with my sister a lot and doing fun little things like cooking and watching gossip girl and twilight and being stupid with our crackberries and running errands.

i did go out last night, however. i went to kaitlyn's house and hung out with her, kymi, alex borgen, nick, and some others, waiting on javier to come back over with tyler but he never did so i went to columbus. brought over my blue moon that corner store now carries because i asked them to (no, seriously. i can't believe they did it either) and hung out with brian/alex/jenna/allen & jack daniels. brian and jenna were about to pass out so alex and i dropped allen off at home and met up with alex, lindsey & tillye at allison & rj's which was good because i hadn't even been to their house yet and i live across the street from them. i had a major headache all night, but decided to stay out until 4AM anyway.

oh, and the bridge run traffic was almost the death of me today. seriously.

i've been kind of not feeling the social circle lately. tonight christie and i watched twilight and got indian food.

i plan to lay in the sun for the next 72 hours. what do you think about that?

oh, and:
Currently Political Ranting: Take 2
New York Times majorly pissed me off today. Yes, mark sanford doesn't want to take or be apart of the bailout. do you know that he wanted to take the money and use it towards South Carolina's massive DEBT that we have, but OBAMA SAID NO. Dear Obama, W-T-F. Using this money is going to worsen our economy and devalue the dollar since we're off of the gold standard and the dollar is now only technically backed by value ideas and paper.
Here's something the New York Times DIDN'T tell you:
So, basically, Obama really wants to force Sanford to take the bailout money (even though he can't use it towards the state debt). However, it's COMPLETELY unconstitutional & even he knows better. So he's using this big front page article of the New York Times to give Sanford a bunch of shit and scare him into taking the bailout money since he can't force him himself.
yayy, we have a big bully for a president.
we have such a cool governor, guys. even if you don't agree with his policies i hope you can appreciate the fact that he's one of the few people left that's actually a true conservative and wants the government to remain as small as possible.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

oh comely, i will be with you when you lose your breath

i am infinitely tired and i feel like i never sleep anymore. this blog is only proof of it.

the last few days have been a desperate attempt to find a phone and get schoolwork finished before spring break starts, all the while working 40 hours a week and interning on the weekends. i'm finally getting a new phone tomorrow, supposedly though.

so was this weekend. i didn't have school friday, so the drinking started thursday night. I met up with Alice, my friend who goes to Brown who is from charleston & visiting for spring break, and we went to AC's and met up with alex & april, & some friends of alice's from RISD. drank, worried, & used up all of our disposable cameras & claiming them the "new polaroid", became too exhausted after singing & dancing our hearts out to "tiny dancer". literally parked a car, opened the doors, jumped out, and danced in the middle of the street at a stoplight on the corner of st. philip & thomas...
all in all, i had fun, but i'm glad everyone is alive (ahem, those who drink at juanita's for 8 hours previous to going to AC's)

friday i recovered, and so did everyone else it seemed like. Saturday i ended up hanging out at columbus street for a while, which was really fun because it wasn't a bunch of strangers, it was just alex b., jenna, jm, nora, preston, christen, philip, lindsey, tillye, will, matt, warren javs, tyler & me drinking a lot of shitty beer and eating whatever goodness lindsey created for us. we played music and rolled cigarettes. i was there for almost 5 hours before i almost passed out on preston's shoulder, and decided it was time to go home.

now i am doing a lot of school work before spring break on friday, which my brain and body desperately need. i need to catch up on sleep. i can't wait to go to the beach.